Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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