listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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