I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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