Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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