Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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