Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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