i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
