oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
