whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
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i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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