can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
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I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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