Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
