dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
