I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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