well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
