i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
