Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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