whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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