So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
