i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
