gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Barsexuality is the new black.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
