epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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