is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
