So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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