if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
