You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
