make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
