noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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