He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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