I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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