I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
