hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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