You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize