You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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