Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
