there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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