you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
3 2 1 whiskey
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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