is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
