just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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