I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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