Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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