...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
