I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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