i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts