I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.