It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!