I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
