I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
