I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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