Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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