I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
