I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
