my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
