the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Randomize
