Swine flu. Run for my life!
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
