i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
