Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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