tell your sister to shave her snatch
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
