The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
