It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
