I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
